Weather · verse · voice
Fine verse for the finest room in the house.
Porcelain Pooetry pairs today’s forecast with a funny poop-themed poem — a pooem, naturally — then lets a cast of nine narrators read it aloud. Free as a web app now — native stores soon.
Free · Web app · Offline · iOS, Android & Apple TV coming soon
Hear it before you install anything
Edgar Allen Poo will read for you now.
A real pooem from the catalog, narrated by our gothic gentleman — with the same read-along glow the app uses.
Read by Edgar Allen Poo
“Quoth the plunger… nevermore.”
A Janitor’s Plight
The poop goes down and the smell comes up.
A courtesy flush simply won’t be enough.
To rid the stall of this gross offense.
A poop that I find indescribably intense.
It’s like my colon’s been cleaned by a white picket fence.
And left sunken a treasure so brown and so dense.
To the proprietor of this bathroom, there is no recompense.
Lock the door, man, and use some common sense.
For no human should bear these restroom events.
Three small daily pleasures
Check the sky
Local weather and air quality sit beside the day — then the verse takes the stage.
Read the pooem
One fresh pooem each day — scheduled entries first, then a fair rotation through every published pooem. National Day specials override the queue.
Hear it performed
Pick a narrator, follow along as lines light up, and keep favorites offline for the throne room.
Narrated, not just written
A cast of voices for the chamber.
Eight narrators, from Poofessor Snake’s silky menace to Dame Doodie Stench’s withering disdain. Audio caches to your device for instant playback — on the train, on a plane, or with no signal at all. Lines light up as they read.
- ♪ Eight narrators, switch any time — playback restarts in the new voice
- ♥ Favorites remember the voice you loved them in
- ✦ Share a link or the narration itself
The ensembles
Meet the cast.
Tap a portrait for the biography and a sample.
🎩 Gentlemen of the Chamber
A present, with compliments
Give someone a voice.
Two narrators read for free; the rest are 99¢ each, or the whole company for $4.99 — and any of them makes a gift. A Pooetry key goes out by email (or by your own hand), and unlocks the voice on every device they own. For the friend who thinks they're funny.
Give the gift of verseComing soon to Apple TV
Now playing in the parlor.
A native Apple TV app puts the narrator by the fireside — portrait, epigraph, and verse on the big screen, with the same read-along glow. Browse the Ledger archive by date or calendar, peek at tomorrow's Coming Attractions, and see today's title right on the TV's Top Shelf.
Every pooem, always with you
Archive, favorites, offline.
Browse the archive with mood and favorites filters, star pooems with their chosen voice, and keep narration ready without a signal. Settings tune your narrator, units, reminder, and home area.
The eight weather-moods
Browse the archive by atmosphere.
Your morning pooem awaits.
Open Porcelain Pooetry in your browser today — install it to your home screen for the full app feel. Native iOS, Android, and Apple TV builds are on the way.
Web app live at pooetry.app