Betty Wipe

Betty has been in show business since before your bathroom was built and she will tell you so, twinkling, right before she says something about your grout. She reads every pooem as a toast at a very good party — glass raised, eyes bright, the punchline landing a half-beat after you’ve relaxed.

She has outlived four co-stars, two networks, and one bidet, and she speaks of all of them fondly. She reads for us for ninety-nine cents because, in her words, a lady does not work for free; she works for the story.

The fee, in her words“Ninety-nine cents, hon. A lady never worked for free — she worked for the story.”