Dame Doodie Stench

The Dame does not read pooems. She consents to them. A titan of the British stage who has played queens, countesses, and one memorable plunger, she joined the company under terms that remain sealed and that she describes, when pressed, as “an act of charity toward the material.” She reads for us free of charge, which we did not ask for and would not dare question.

She reads slowly, beautifully, and with the unmistakable air of a woman holding the manuscript with tongs. This, it turns out, is the funniest possible way to hear a poem about a courtesy flush. Sit up straight. Pay attention. When she has finished, you may applaud.

The fee“There is no fee. One does not haggle with a Dame; one is simply grateful.”